The first time I dropped my baby off at daycare, I cried all the way to work. My heart ached, and a thousand questions swirled in my head—Am I being selfish? Will my baby feel abandoned? Does this make me a bad mother?
How to get over guilt that keeps knocking every time you drop your little one at the daycare?
As working mothers, we have often stood frozen at the daycare door, fighting back tears while trying to look confident and weighing our thoughts on whether or not to head to work. Yes, we choose to go to work, but does that mean we are heartless? Does it mean we do not care about our child or do not worry about leaving our baby under someone else’s care?
The truth is when we decide to continue working, it doesn’t mean we are just choosing it for ourselves. We are choosing it for us—my baby and I—so that they grow up knowing their mother did it for the family. And your struggle with how to get over guilt isn’t a lonely battle because most working mothers around you are feeling the same way when they leave their baby at daycare.
Choosing daycare doesn’t make you heartless—it means you are human and you have done the next best possible thing to ensure your baby isn’t left unsupervised.
In this blog, let’s unpack that heavy mum guilt, look at why it’s so common, and explore simple, comforting ways to find peace, connection, and confidence in your choice as a working mother.
You are not a bad mother—you are a loving one.
Let’s clear one thing right away: leaving your baby at daycare doesn’t make you a bad mother.
No matter what others keep telling you or how they judge you, you can never be a mother who doesn’t care or love her child. It only makes you a mum who is trying her best to support her family in the best possible way, but also nurture her own dreams and provide a stable future. Whether you decide to join back immediately or take a little break, no one has the right to judge you because it is only you who will love your child unconditionally.
And yes, it’s okay to love your job and still cry a little when you walk away from that tiny face at drop-off. That push and pull between love and responsibility is what keeps you sane and makes you this superwoman called a working mother.
So, whether you are returning to work after maternity leave or transitioning your toddler into full-time daycare, the daycare guilt will be real—and heavy. But guilt isn’t dreadful; it is just a human sign that you worry as a mother, but you also care deeply.
You need to learn how to get over guilt because it is necessary to keep reminding yourself that providing for your child is also a form of love.
Why do we feel so much guilt about daycare?
Even though you know your baby is in safe hands, something inside keeps tugging at you. The daycare drop-off tears are tough, especially for mothers on the go who are already stretched thin emotionally. It’s a natural motherly feeling, and you cannot really do much about it. That sinking feeling in your chest when you have to walk away is always going to be there no matter how many months or years your baby spends at the daycare.
Here are some reasons I feel it keeps bugging us:
1. That disturbing and unrealistic expectation about mums!
The expectations have got out of, but the truth is, it is us who are to be blamed! We have all absorbed this picture of the “perfect mother”—the one who is endlessly present, always cheerful, who bakes muffins from scratch and never misses a moment. That’s practically impossible when you are a working mother, but the minute we let these expectations crawl in, we start believing that if we are not physically by our baby’s side 24/7, we are somehow falling short.
One myth is that gentle parenting means being physically present, but that’s simply not true because being a great mother doesn’t mean being with your child every second. It means making sure they are loved, secure, and supported—even when you are not in the room.
2. The comparison trap
It’s hard not to compare—whether it’s a friend who stays at home, a coworker who seems to “have it all together,” or that mum on Instagram who looks like she runs a Montessori school in her living room. I know the dreadful feeling, and I have been trapped there for a long.
I learned it the hard way, but I want you to get this straight—everyone’s situation is different and what works for one family might not work for another.
You are not less of a mother because your path includes daycare, and every time that comparison guilt creeps in, remind yourself that you are simply walking your own version of motherhood. And how to get over guilt? Begin by acknowledging that choosing daycare doesn’t make you a bad mum—it makes you responsible.
3. Fear of missing out
When I joined back after the maternity leave during my first born got over, I used to get panic attacks every time I thought my time at work was making me miss her milestones. Questions like “Will they take their first steps while I’m answering emails?” or “Will they reach for the daycare teacher instead of me?” made me go insane.
These fears are valid and very real, but the truth is your baby doesn’t need you to witness every milestone to know you are their one and only. Eventually, I realised that my connection with my daughter was going to build through love and not the minutes and hours I was spending with her.
You must also remember gentle parenting is about connection, not constant proximity.
4. That little knot in your heart!
Yeah, sometimes it’s not others, but just your heart aching because you miss your baby. You would rather be reading them a story than attending another meeting because nothing compares to the feel of their little arms around your neck. And that’s beautiful because it means your love runs deep.
But you need to remember one very important thing: love and guilt aren’t the same thing. Love will fuel you and motivate you to keep doing what’s best for your child, but guilt will drain you.
Amidst this battle between the heart and the brain, because you left your baby at daycare, you need to make sure that you do not get lost in the fog of guilt. And whenever you do start feeling to get a little lost, simply remember:
- Daycare doesn’t replace you. It supports you.
- It doesn’t take away from your child—it adds to their world.
P.S.: Some days you can simply Google how to get over guilt after a daycare drop-off that ends in tears.
5 ways to cope with daycare guilt as a working mother
1. Create special rituals: Start or end each day with something small but meaningful—like a goodbye song, a silly handshake, or bedtime snuggles.
2. Focus on the big picture: Remember why you are working and set an example for your child by showing them why working matters not just for the family, but also for you.
3. Stay informed and involved: Instead of doubting yourself, try getting involved with the daycare by checking in, looking at photos, or even asking the provider about your child’s day.
Remember: Feeling included will ease separation anxiety (yours and your child’s)!
4. Talk about the guilt—don’t bottle it: Communication always helps, and share what you are feeling with other working mothers, your partner, or even a therapist. Also a big part of how to get over guilt is talking openly with other working mums who have felt the same way.
You are not in this alone, and you definitely don’t have to carry it silently.
5. Practice self-compassion: Whenever guilt hits, remind yourself: “I am doing my best. I am enough. My baby is loved.” And all of it’s all true.
Sometimes, all you need is a mindset shift and one powerful step in how to get over guilt is shifting your perspective from “abandonment” to “building independence.” You will be amazed at the difference it makes in your approach to dealing with that daycare guilt. Gentle parenting focuses on understanding your child’s emotions, which you can still support after a day apart.
Here’s a bonus just for you: 5 positive truths about daycare that may surprise you
- Your baby is learning to be independent through gentle separation and slowly becoming more adaptable and confident in social settings.
- From structured routines to peer interaction, the daycare is nurturing them with social and cognitive development through communication, problem-solving, and emotional regulation.
- A few hours apart from your child is actually going to help you return more present, less burnt-out, and more patient.
- Being with your child all day isn’t going to guarantee better bonding, but being emotionally present when you are together will surely make a difference.
- One day, your child will look back and see how you gracefully managed work, love, and motherhood.
The heart of gentle parenting is empathy, and feeling conflicted about daycare is a deeply empathetic response. And part of how to get over guilt is knowing that you are setting an example of dedication, strength, and love. For mothers on the go, daycare isn’t a sign of neglect—it’s often a necessary part of balancing work and parenting.
Still, wondering if you are heartless for leaving your baby at daycare? Read this
Heartless mothers don’t worry about their children and don’t cry at daycare drop-offs or question whether they are doing the right thing.
And the very fact that you are doing all of these means you are not heartless—you are deeply, beautifully human.
You are navigating one of the hardest balancing acts in the world: being there for your child while also being there for yourself.
To all working mothers out there…
If you love your job but miss your baby deeply, you are in the thick of it—the guilt, the growth, the glory. This season is hard, yes, but you are stronger than you think. And your child is not just surviving; they are thriving because they have you.
And you are a brave one for doing what’s best for your baby and your future. You don’t need to feel ashamed, but you do need to learn how to get over guilt because, as a working mother, life is going to be tough, but you are doing your best. Guilt is common among mothers on the go, but it doesn’t define your love or commitment as a parent.
Leave a comment below if this blog made you feel seen, because so many of us are walking the same path.
Share this blog with another working mother who needs to hear this today. Let’s remind each other that we are not alone. 💕
Click here to get access to our mindful parenting courses to learn how to get over guilt while nurturing your child in the best possible way.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Will my baby get more attached to the daycare provider than me?
It’s completely natural to worry about this, but the truth is no one can replace a parent’s love. Daycare providers may play a nurturing role during the day, but your bond with your baby is deeper than that, and being apart for a few hours won’t change that.
2. How do I know if my baby is actually happy at daycare?
Look for simple signs:
- They eat and sleep well there
- They smile or show excitement when you mention daycare
- They are curious and playful and show attachment to the caregiver.
Trust your instincts—if something feels off, it’s okay to ask questions and communicate openly with the provider.
3. I am constantly checking my phone for updates. Is that clingy?
Nope—that’s love mixed with adjustment, and many mothers feel better having occasional updates or photos during the day.
4. Is it selfish to enjoy being at work while my baby is in daycare?
Enjoying your work doesn’t mean you love your child any less, and being happy at work is a sign of peace and positive mental health.
5. What if other mothers judge me for choosing daycare?
You know your child, your needs, and your values better than anyone else, and parenting isn’t one-size-fits-all, so surround yourself with people who support your choices—not shame them.