The guilt of missing a school play, that sports day cheer, or your child’s proud “Look what I did, Mom!” face is heavy. We get it.
No matter what we do and how well we try to manage our time and balance it all, we will always miss out on something or the other. Being a working mother and being present for all your child’s developmental milestones and those big moments will always be affected by some client meeting or urgent deadline.
But does that mean you are a bad mom? Does it mean you aren’t doing enough for your little one? NO.
Let’s get some things straight right in the beginning - juggling work and motherhood is going to feel like playing tug-of-war with your heartstrings, and there is very little you can do about that reality. But what you can definitely do is learn to cope with those heartaches of missing milestones and thrive despite those silent tears (and screams)!
10 things to do to celebrate the developmental milestones and not be sad about missing out on a few
1. Remind yourself: Love is bigger than any event
It’s easy to think that being there for every developmental milestone equals good parenting. But guess what? It’s the everyday moments—the hugs, bedtime stories, and silly dance-offs—that truly shape your child’s world.
Of course, these early childhood milestones are crucial and important markers of their growth and development, but it is also okay if you cannot be there for all of it. What really matters more is how much you show them when you are there and every little moment you share together.
So, the next time you miss a school event, remind yourself that your love isn’t measured by attendance but by presence in their lives. Tracking early childhood milestones helps parents understand their child's growth and development, but it doesn't mean you have to be physically present for all.
2. Create your own special milestone moments
Did you miss the class recital? Create a “Mom’s Encore Night” at home and let your child perform just for you (bonus: you can clap as loud as you want!). Every little moment in their life is a part of their growing years and a marker of their developmental milestones.
Everything they do is a testimony to how wonderfully they are growing up and the beautiful person they are becoming. So, it doesn’t matter whether it’s at the school auditorium or your home because what your child is looking forward to is your happiness and pride in them when they perform.
Read this blog to learn about the 4 planes of development of your child’s developmental milestones.
Idea to make it special? Throw a mini “You are Awesome” party with a movie and their favourite snacks to show them that they are celebrated—no matter the timing.
3. Shift the focus to quality over quantity
Your work schedule at work or those pending tasks will come in between, and some days, you will have to choose your career duties over your motherhood duties. There are only two things that can happen - you will either spend your time getting frustrated by it, or instead of stressing over the hours you missed, you will maximise the time you have.
You don’t need separate days or hours to cheer for their developmental milestones or celebrate their big moments. You can fit it in any way you want because quality always wins over quantity. Here are some ideas that we always recommend our mothers to do:
- Device-free dinners: Even 30 minutes of focused conversation can be magical and they are going to love talking and sharing their day with you.
- Micro check-ins: Send sweet texts or silly recordings during your lunch break and turn their solo moments into a bonding time.
- Morning pep talks: Make it a point to have five minutes of silly banter in the mornings every day and watch how it brightens both your mornings.
4. Document the wins—no matter how small
Every child reaches early childhood milestones at their own pace. Your child will always cherish your reactions to their wins, and this will remain with them forever. So, even if you cannot be there for those school events, show them that you are their biggest cheerleader for every developmental milestone they tick off.
Create a memory jar where your family can drop notes about fun things that happen each week and, on weekends, read them together. This will make everyone happy and feel positive about the moment together, but more than that, it will shift the focus from “what we missed” to “what we made happen.”
Read this blog to learn about the Montessori philosophy of 4 planes of development.
5. Be honest and vulnerable (in a kid-friendly way)
Our children understand things more than we think, and sometimes, a simple, heartfelt “I wanted to be there so badly, and I’m sorry I couldn’t” goes a long way. Yes, saying it out loud and being vulnerable about how sorry you are for not being there on their big day counts.
It’s like a cute Band-Aid that will help them heal and let them know that you love them so much and you care. They will understand that because they know your absence isn’t about priorities but your need to work. You are doing it for the family, and adult life is like that – balancing work and family.
See, the thing about developmental milestones with working mothers is that more than physical presence, what matters really is your feelings about it. And when they find their mother cheering on and being honest with them, they will value you even more.
6. Partner with your village
There are many ways that you can be at an event without actually being there. We understand, sometimes it’s just that mom guilt kicking in and you want to be there so bad, that it doesn’t matter how. There is something you can do even on such days because if you can’t be at an event physically, you can always tap into your support system:
- Ask a friend or family member to FaceTime you during the big moment.
- Request videos or pictures from another parent.
- Plan post-event ice cream dates with your child to hear all the juicy details.
- Keeping a journal of early childhood milestones can be a wonderful way to track a child’s growth.
Every mother wants to be there for their child, and how you do it is completely up to you. There is no judgement here because we know how hard you are trying to manage it all. And trust us, dear mom, we know you are doing your best.
And as for being there for those developmental milestones? Well, there is no trick that you cannot apply to be there. ;)
7. Don’t forget self-compassion
Ah! We cannot stress more on how important this is for your and your family’s well-being. Missing events doesn’t mean you are a bad mom; it just means you are a human one, and there can be days when you cannot manage it all. Cut yourself some slack on these days and remind yourself that you are working for your family. Even if you are missing a small moment in their developmental milestone, you are working hard to make your child’s life better and give them the best growing years.
And for a little motivation to keep your head high and bring that smile back, create a mantra for those tough days: “I am doing my best, and that is enough.” Because, truly, it is.
8. Mindful coping rituals
When mom guilt sneaks in, try these quick emotional resets:
- Deep breathing: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 8, and repeat.
- Journaling: Scribble down your thoughts—the good, bad, and ugly.
- Gratitude practice: Write down three things you are grateful for about your parenting journey.
We, mothers, are such an amazing species altogether that we have this super bad habit of blaming everything on ourselves. It’s no surprise that we go through so much guilt because we miss their school events or not being there when they tick off big developmental milestones. But the truth is we are doing our best, and yet having so much guilt will end up taking a toll on our mental health.
It’s necessary that we tackle them and pay attention to the signs our minds give us.
Check out our Montessori Mindful Parenting Program for such mindful ways of nurturing your child and making parenting a little more relaxed.
9. Plan “Me and You” dates
Just like you block out time for client meetings and team catch-ups, schedule intentional one-on-one time with your child and make sure nothing comes in between. You can always cover up for lost time with focused quality time doing things they love. Missing developmental milestones can always be made better with little special moments now and then.
This will not only strengthen your bond but always remind them of how much you value time with them. Sometimes, these little moments become much more than a missed school event. Plus, these dates don’t have to be grand—a quick park visit or dinner date works wonders.
10. Redefine milestones
Remember, life isn’t just about the big school events and doing everything that other moms are doing. It’s about the laughter during bath time, the jokes at bedtime, and the messy kitchen after baking cookies together.
Of course, developmental milestones are big, and we will celebrate them whenever they happen, but we must also remember that we always try to make every moment together memorable so that separate school events become just another day. Your child cherishes you as a whole and not just your presence at a school assembly.
Read this blog to learn more about how working mothers can cope with mom guilt.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What is mom guilt?
Mom guilt is the feeling of not doing enough for your child, often triggered by work, self-care, or daily responsibilities.
2. How can I overcome mom guilt?
Remind yourself that being a great mom doesn’t mean being perfect. Focus on quality time over quantity and practice self-compassion.
3. Is it normal to feel guilty about working?
Yes, many moms feel this way, but working can set a great example for your child about independence and perseverance.
4. How do I balance work and parenting without guilt?
Set clear priorities, create a routine that includes special bonding moments, and let go of unrealistic expectations.
5. Should I feel guilty about taking time for myself?
Not at all! A happy, well-rested mom is better able to care for her child. Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential.
6. What can I do if I miss an important event?
Celebrate in your own way! Recreate the moment, watch a video, or plan a special treat to make it memorable.
7. How do I stop feeling guilty about missing milestones?
Acknowledge your emotions, focus on the moments you are present for, and remind yourself that being a working mom is still being a great mom.
8. Will my child remember the milestones I missed?
Children remember love and consistency more than specific events. What truly matters is your ongoing support and connection.